took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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