I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
