So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
