Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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