I got chris browned last night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
