How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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