1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
