In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
