if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
