As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
FUCK WHALES
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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