hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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