this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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