Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
