imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
