I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
