I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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