i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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