can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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