You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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