We won't sleep together?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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