I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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