PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
