For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
