I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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