saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
