if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
