I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
