Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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