Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
