Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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