I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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