god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
