thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
