No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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