when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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