I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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