I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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