You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
