It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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