And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
