I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
