She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to calm my uterus...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
