i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize