this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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