Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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