If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
