i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
