then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
