Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
