You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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