I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
