In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize