its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
