in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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