I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
