So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize