Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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