My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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