No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
