if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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