i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
