he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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