Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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