I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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