Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
