I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
