I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
